Bad to Worse

Its this time of the year when my vivas are goin on. I need to study. I need to do well. I am doing nothing. I dont know from where this sense of boredom is surrounding me. I feel drained and tired . Also there is terrible grip of loneliness surrounding me( cause i am missing my mom who is in hyd).
I am not gonna do well this time. And this fear is gripping me. I am not not having the old fire or strenghth to give it my all. I just dont know where i lost it. I am not gettin tensed at all of people completing more than i.
I have learnt to accept defeat. I keep asking myself, Where is the old shilpa who would do anything to do well..who may have tried many times but would never accept defeat.. what has happened to her. I feel the satan is ruling me now.
I cant afford to go on like this. There are many expectations from me, from people who love me a lot.
I pray to god everyday to give me strength.. and then i dont know how...just how....

I need to rejenuvate myself...get the old fire back..kick my laziness out and do the best..... I need to fight back...i hope i start afresh tommorow ....cause life is all about the future and future is what i design it to be...

My Thoughts Of Now

Life is just so boring now.. The coll fests have ended. And so is all the lukhagiri and time pass that we friends do together under the majestic tree in RRC and our own PUSHPA. Life was a roller coaster these 4 years. I met many great friends and back stabbers also. I gotto learn so many things.

Had entered college at my own will. I had taken admission and then informed my parents that they ought to get cash for my entry. My poor parents were taken totally by surprise. But till date i do not repent my decision. Instead i am very happy i took it.

I know that i shall miss this life a lot. Especially i shall miss my friends. Life is gonna take such a turn at this point. All my close ones are going far away from me. I have a terrible fear of losing them. I know that i have made many mistakes in the past. And i am so proud of my friends who stood through my thick and thin.

Life has opened new horizons for me. Within two months i may have to leave Mumbai. Lead a totally new life with new people and a new ambience. Sometimes this thrills me...sometimes i get scared of these things.

Nowadays i keep thinking of the future a lot. And i dunno y. I keep dreaming of how life is gonna take me. i have always beleived in planning and doing things. But here life lies ahead of me looming as a great mysterious force which is stirring mixed emotions within me.

This is the time when i am supposed to burn my ass as well as the midnight oil. cause i have exams in 2 weeks. But here i stay still the same...collecting notes and TRYING my best to START studying.

I keep telling myself that this is the last sem and that i need to give it my best shot. That this student life may never come back to me. that my parents are here doing their very best to see that i am provided with everything. That i owe it to them and GOD who has always been so grateful to me. Then also here i lie doing nothing...

Mumbai Local Trains

How better can u know about local trains than ask a travelling Mumbaitie. The everyday frustration, anger, bad mouthing all gets vent out in this one heavenly place- Local train. Its just been 2 weeks since i have been travellin in the local trains and i say i have gained lots of patience and especially respect for those ladies who commute everyday. I mean just consider -How can u ever grow fat when u travel by the trains. I mean u generally stand all the way and even if u r sittin u get stamped by the persons who r standing. And then half your energy goes bad mouthing and cribbing about them to your co- passengers. Then also we can witness the fatest and the bulkiest ladies only in the local train. I havent ever seen such people when i travelled by bus or even in day to day life. But however they do clearly come to focus when the seat that can be occupied by 4 people turn to three( that also uncomfortably). People who want to get down at one station get at someother far ahead.
And the bhaji wale and the fisherwoman ( How can u forget them!!). They contribute to 40% of the frustration among the ladies with the lovely smell that they carry with them. And haan u also get highly educated with all the marathi gaalis.
All in all i am eagerly waiting for the damn rains to completely stop so that i can resume my goin to college by bike( which is HEAVENS...even though i used to crib about it before..never shall i again!!)

Bloody Engg

Tell me why the hell do our parents want us to do engg. Frankly speakin i do not find any gain in this field. Better still if u went to some institute and learnt some programming languages then still u would be much better than all the stupid engg's. But there comes the question of DEGREE. The so called privelage of being called an engineer. Bloody muggin up in the last one month is more than enough for u to gain that degree. And moreover here the intelligent ones are considered those who get distinction. Where the hell is knowledge. I know of so many people who get good marks but lack the knowledge. U pay the damn fees to the college for blank screens, faulty PC's, no lifts and gr8 faculty!!
And then u end up payin more money for the classes. Travellin expenditure should also be considered for some bloody attendance( ie we need to show our teachers that we exist).