Its this time of the year when my vivas are goin on. I need to study. I need to do well. I am doing nothing. I dont know from where this sense of boredom is surrounding me. I feel drained and tired . Also there is terrible grip of loneliness surrounding me( cause i am missing my mom who is in hyd).
I am not gonna do well this time. And this fear is gripping me. I am not not having the old fire or strenghth to give it my all. I just dont know where i lost it. I am not gettin tensed at all of people completing more than i.
I have learnt to accept defeat. I keep asking myself, Where is the old shilpa who would do anything to do well..who may have tried many times but would never accept defeat.. what has happened to her. I feel the satan is ruling me now.
I cant afford to go on like this. There are many expectations from me, from people who love me a lot.
I pray to god everyday to give me strength.. and then i dont know how...just how....
I need to rejenuvate myself...get the old fire back..kick my laziness out and do the best..... I need to fight back...i hope i start afresh tommorow ....cause life is all about the future and future is what i design it to be...
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
My Thoughts Of Now
Life is just so boring now.. The coll fests have ended. And so is all the lukhagiri and time pass that we friends do together under the majestic tree in RRC and our own PUSHPA. Life was a roller coaster these 4 years. I met many great friends and back stabbers also. I gotto learn so many things.
Had entered college at my own will. I had taken admission and then informed my parents that they ought to get cash for my entry. My poor parents were taken totally by surprise. But till date i do not repent my decision. Instead i am very happy i took it.
I know that i shall miss this life a lot. Especially i shall miss my friends. Life is gonna take such a turn at this point. All my close ones are going far away from me. I have a terrible fear of losing them. I know that i have made many mistakes in the past. And i am so proud of my friends who stood through my thick and thin.
Life has opened new horizons for me. Within two months i may have to leave Mumbai. Lead a totally new life with new people and a new ambience. Sometimes this thrills me...sometimes i get scared of these things.
Nowadays i keep thinking of the future a lot. And i dunno y. I keep dreaming of how life is gonna take me. i have always beleived in planning and doing things. But here life lies ahead of me looming as a great mysterious force which is stirring mixed emotions within me.
This is the time when i am supposed to burn my ass as well as the midnight oil. cause i have exams in 2 weeks. But here i stay still the same...collecting notes and TRYING my best to START studying.
I keep telling myself that this is the last sem and that i need to give it my best shot. That this student life may never come back to me. that my parents are here doing their very best to see that i am provided with everything. That i owe it to them and GOD who has always been so grateful to me. Then also here i lie doing nothing...
Had entered college at my own will. I had taken admission and then informed my parents that they ought to get cash for my entry. My poor parents were taken totally by surprise. But till date i do not repent my decision. Instead i am very happy i took it.
I know that i shall miss this life a lot. Especially i shall miss my friends. Life is gonna take such a turn at this point. All my close ones are going far away from me. I have a terrible fear of losing them. I know that i have made many mistakes in the past. And i am so proud of my friends who stood through my thick and thin.
Life has opened new horizons for me. Within two months i may have to leave Mumbai. Lead a totally new life with new people and a new ambience. Sometimes this thrills me...sometimes i get scared of these things.
Nowadays i keep thinking of the future a lot. And i dunno y. I keep dreaming of how life is gonna take me. i have always beleived in planning and doing things. But here life lies ahead of me looming as a great mysterious force which is stirring mixed emotions within me.
This is the time when i am supposed to burn my ass as well as the midnight oil. cause i have exams in 2 weeks. But here i stay still the same...collecting notes and TRYING my best to START studying.
I keep telling myself that this is the last sem and that i need to give it my best shot. That this student life may never come back to me. that my parents are here doing their very best to see that i am provided with everything. That i owe it to them and GOD who has always been so grateful to me. Then also here i lie doing nothing...
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